ape $hit...

Like so many other people with qwerty keypads and an unlmt text plan, I often get drunk and text random shit to random people. Here's a classic:

Drunk text#147:
The only acceptable thing to mix grand mairner with is henessy. Atm is never okay. Unless you've had a lot of grand mairner and henessy. Maybe. She would have to be okay with it. Flip flops and atm are never okay except when it rains on the fourth sunday, and the molecular weight of the former outwieghs the ladder. Never climb a ladder after atm, as that is considered bad luck in Many cultures. And if u do, check your blance as you mau be over drawn and inccur a penalty from your bank. Which is probably owned by a jew. Who love atms. U see? Its all one big conspiracy. There's a man on the grassy knoll and an alphabet in my soup. Someone stop this crazy thing........